The Dan Savage Experiment x3 They'll try to make you laugh But they're probably gonna fail Because they Suck

Inappropriate Footwear V1 Your getting ready for the big night (Big night) Lookin fine dressed to the nines (accesorized) Can't go wrong with that little black dress (woowoo) Ears iced out neck drips with pearl Prech1 Time for some flair on them tootsies (tootsies) Cram em both in to some cute heels (Cute heels) Bunions be damned, hammer toes are in fashion Fasciitis, arthritis delightously tight let us see….YUP Ch1 That’s inappropriate footwear On that foot right there I swear Gonna fall down that staircase Right on your face then you’ll know Those puppies important, Your treatment abhorrent Inappropriate footwear….. V2 Client meeting then off to Belize (vaca) Manscaped and ready to play(sexy bitch) Change your clothes into your beachwear (speedo packed) Uber ordered, 5 minutes away Prech2 The CFO wants a quick update About the big account you just closed But when he gets up to shake your hand He notices your feet, white socks socks in SANDALS!?!? (no, no, no, no, no)! Ch2 That’s inappropriate footwear For the boardroom, beach or bar You better unpack those loafers Or your never getting laid Even a pair of them flip flops G-string up those toe cracks Still Inappropriate footwear Solo V3 Waking up a quarter past 5 (AM) Bleary eyed, cuppa joe for the ride (coffee black) Factory floor, bossman in a rage (grumble grumble) Sends ya home cuz your gears not to code Prech3 Gotta have that little green triangle (Triangle) Denoting sole puncture protection (Protection) With a grade one protective toe cap (toe cap) And electrical insulation that’s CSA approved (oved) Ch3 Now that appropriate footwear On the foyer of your home 20k down that highway Past the Biway and Kmart You gotta be half psychotic Without those orthotics Inappropriate footwear…..

Weak Day (A Day in the Life of a Week) V1 (Monday) I’m a grown man but man do i groan when I get up outta bed to get ahead of this day Should I stay right here instead Nope, I gotta make a good impression on some jackass cuz it’s MONDAY Ch1 Weak day always getting in the way Tryna live me life like, party-time, excellent All I wanna do is play This day so weak can’t wait for Friday night V2 (Tuesay) Today is Tuesday, Second day of the week Prolly gonna reek cuz i ain’t shower this morn (Because of PORN) And didn’t get chance last night I just passed out on sight of that SO-FA MI I DO what I want But I gotsta pay them bill for all the netflix and chills For all the honeys in the swipe right club, I’ll rub-a-dub my body in that tub until I’m fresh and so clean…. Ch2 Weak day always getting in the way Tryna live my life like party-time, excellent All I wanna do is play This day so weak can’t wait for Friday night (Wednesday-Breakdown Raucous party build up: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute here. What is this beauty that I behold in front of me, that little bastard right there, in the middle, with a capital D a D a D-D-D-D Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday…. V3 They call it hump day, it’s not a sexual thing Get your mind out of that gutter man, you’re better than that I could be out there with them College kids Layin’ grooves, teaching moves just like I used to do but, I got responsibilities these days So I’m passed out on the Lazy-Boy sofa couch, watchin’ sports, with a beer, in my underwear…. V4 (Thursday) (It’s the final countdown) (Spoken) The haze begins to lift, it’s Thursday and that can only mean one thing. Sally from payroll should be down here any minute now with that fat stack of envelops. You see, it’s payday here at Glory Corp ™….mmm, here we go, it’s Sally doin the payday sache all the over to my cubicle bay. That’s right girl, imma do it today. I’m gonna ask this fine little sweetie on a superfly date…Here we go Sally: That’s quite the booger ya got there Brad Brad: Oh, thanks Sally, thanks…..oh man…See you next week Sally: Same time same place Brad: *sigh* V5 (Friday) The lights go down at the workplace, It’s time to change up your headspace No need to take any work home Cause it’s Friday, and you’re no longer alone. . (1: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) It’s Friday-eee-aay-eee-aay-eee-aay (2: [double time] Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) It’s Friday-eee-aay-eee-aay-eee-aay

My Fallback is a Malbec with You V1 Some drink champagne in Lausanne Others Rioja on the coast of Spain. You might sip vermouth on An Italian roof. Others prefer sherry, in the LondonDerry Air, So sweet I can almost taste it Crisp autumn breeze, Platter of cheese, ain’t gonna waste it Me I get led to that Argentine Red Plump, dark fruit flavors with a smoky finish Ch My fall back, my fallback is a malbec My fallback is a Malbec with you. V2 Some drink Chianti with a side of fava beans But that don’t pair well with a pan-fried spleen Others will stick to a spit roasted pig But I know you, you just wanna marijuana Forget weed and feed I’m into wine and dine Chef Boyardeaux, don’t you know i’m quite the gastrognome A real oenophile, constantly Kerouaced Always got me in the grip of the grape Ch My fall back, my fallback is a malbec My fallback is a Malbec with you. Narration When I feel your long slender cylinder in my hands my body quivers with anticipation of that rich, velvety, full bodied juiciness flowing down my throat. With subtle notes of vanilla and tobacco and your sublime balance of tannins and acid served and a perfect 69 degrees… V3 Liquor then wine you’ll be fine, so they may say Other way round less profound, guarantees no foreplay That’s why I stick to my dry red romance So i’m off to the LC right to the vintages section Ch My fall back, my fallback is a malbec My fallback is a Malbec with you….last line x2 In Vino Veritas Drinking wines, writing rhymes All for good times

Eugene’s a Woman Now V1 Eugene was born the son of a macho man But could not throw quite like the others can On the playground taunts grew year by year, ever more severe Couldn’t find a peer, Time to be a queer pioneer Ch1 Eugene’s a woman now A biological gender miscommunication Eugenes a woman now Regardless of your inept observation Eugene’s a Woman x3 V2 To some it would seem Eugene's life was obscene Working nights as the drag queen Maureen Wearing tight pantyhose Locked in a burlesque pose Slowly rose to fame but ol'Gene never felt the same so... Ch2 Eugene’s a woman now She shed the stigma of discimination Eugene’s a woman now Become a goddamn inspiration V3 Eugene was never happy as a man They went to the Dr. and said i have a plan The Dr looked at them and gave them his prognosis He said we’re gonna have to cut off your P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-problem Ch3 Eugenes a woman now And not just because of the amputation Eugenes a woman now There ain’t no need for contemplation Eugene’s a woman Ch4 Eugene’s a woman now I’m gonna have to deal with this mad temptation Eugene’s a woman now Good thing I brought this lubrication….

The Ballad of Amber and Johnny V1 Have you heard the news today about those vapid celebrities They love to hate and hate to love in drunken fits of rage They call each other every name you’ve ever heard and more Come sit down round here, I’ll tell you of their lore Ch Yippie-i-a, yippie-i-o The ballad of Amber and Johnny Depp V2 They met on a movie set a flick called the Rum Diary Ironic cuz libations are what caused this fiery rift He said that she would rant and rave which drove him to the drink No-one ever wins, communication on the brink Ch V3 They fight and scream seem to live the dream from La to Australia Who shit the bed the dog she said after eating Johnnys stash Teacup Yorkies 4 pounds each could not produce such feces Strongly Johnny feels it’s Miss Heard that made that turd Ch V4 From flying vodka bottles and severed finger tips A cautionary tale that only Hollywood could spin Now all the world is well aware of their abusive deeds The way to wealth and fame can lead down a deceitful path Ch (repeat last 4 bars x4)

V1 (D) Our love is so hard, it’s like granite I try not to take it for granted, or it erodes like our city roads And turned to gravel. (S) Then to sand… (S) This crystallization is my realization (of how beautiful you are.) If we let eons go by our love will pressurize And turn Clay into shale into slate into phyllite wouldn’t that be gniess Ch (D/S) This aint just a rock song, or a song about rocks Geologic formations as a metaphor of love and lust Cleavage a double entendre I just cant ignore So many cracks and crevices to explore V2 (S) We’re so hot together, like magma Sticky and red under the cover of the continental shelf that is your blanket on your bed Waiting to erupt In a blast of ash and fire (D) You’re my one desire Ch. Br (D/S) When coral fossilizes It turns to lime stone If our love does the same It would turn rock and roll down a dusty incline and as the years go by would it metamorphosize or would turn into dust and spread over the earth's crust V3 (D) Vesicles stud my yearning. With all of this lava burning I can’t figure out if you're just a sedimentary layer or a pyrite player. Ch This aint just a rock song, or a song about rocks Geologic formations as a metaphor of love and lust Cleavage a double entendre I just cant ignore So many cracks and crevices to explore

V1 Before you there was a Blank Space Seems like an Era since you had a Lover Then he tossed you his Hail Mary Thought he could take you to the End Zone ]V2 Kicked off your love, you called an Audible Tightest End beyond your Wildest Dreams Knew he was trouble Blitzed the senses Swiftly became ‘Merican royalty PreCh1 Can we trust that this love is real Not a scam, just for clicks appeal You know us, we can never tell Swifties live and we breath on you love affairs CH Don't fumble your love No flag on the play Your hearts not a game to bet on 4th and Goal at the 1 Digging in for that push You’re TnT, like, Dynamite V3 Standing at the Line of scrimmage To them we’re just the Anti-Heros Forget them and all the Bad Blood Time for you to just Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake it off Prech2 Now your perched, in a private box With his Mom, and a shirtless Jay Bff, Brittany Mahomes Superbowl, Hey let’s go, time to steal the show CH Don't fumble your love No flag on the play Your hearts not a game to bet on 4th and Goal at the 1 Digging in for that push You’re TnT, like, Dynamite